i am not sure how i feel about christianity. i was brought up in a pretty strict religious family. i thought you were going to hell if you said a cuss word or heaven forbid kissed a boy/girl before you were married. i was pretty ridiculous. i signed a "contract" that my sister made up saying that i would never have sex, even when i was married (luckily, she has lost it.) & one time i asked my swim coach if she regretted kissing boys before she was married (i was being dead serious.)i attended a church camp one time and they told me secular cds were terrible to listen to. so when i got home i threw all of my secular cds away, even my favorite brandy cd! i got mad at my sister at her bachelorette party for wanting a glass of wine. i could go on & on with examples of how i used to behave.
***i would like to take time out of my blog post to apologize to everyone in my past for acting that way***
looking back at our church it feels more like i was in a cult (which is why i get a funny feeling hearing those phrases.) i loved it growing up. our church was fun to go to. the services were not stiff, there was praise and worship, clapping, dancing everything to keep me entertained. but when i got older and went to college i found out so much that my church had not taught me and kind of felt betrayed for teaching me such one-sided views and completely giving them my trust.
then when my parents and my bestfriend, tawni's parents got divorced (all around the same time) it was crazy to see how the people in the church treated our parents and all the drama that ensued with these people who should have no input on this particular situation. most (not all) were very judgmental and hurtful to our parents. my uncle and dad were pretty good friends while my dad was married to my mom. but now my uncle avoids family gatherings or anytime that he might have to interact with my dad bc he does not believe in divorce (im sure i don't know the whole story but my uncle has never taken the time to explain to me why he has chosen to act this way.)
i was such a judgmental person in every aspect of my life bc i thought that there was only one way to do things, gods way. i am very bitter towards organized religion and christianity. i know not all christians act in such a way. i have met so many christians that are loving no matter who you are, what you do or what you have done in your past. i think my brother in law, my sister and tawni are great examples of what a christianity is about. because of them i have not given up on the idea that there is a god. i love them with all of my heart and see them live the life that the bible teaches us to live. i dont want to sit hear and pass judgement on christianity bc of my dealings with it (then i would be a hypocrite.) but i am confused, angry & sometimes fed up with it.
this post is way too deep. i could write on this topic forever. i think the coffee has already had time to kick in and fade out. time for another cup and some serious study action.
2 comments:
Thanks for your kind words about me and Paul. As you described our church experience I felt like you were putting to words the way I feel about FA. As I processed through Christianity when I left home and in the past few years I've thankfully discovered that to be a Christ follower does not mean most of what I thought it did as a child/teenager. Some things remain true and I've probably rejected more than I should have from our past but what I believe now is definitely different than what it used to be.
And by the way I would like to apologize to everyone in my past for acting the same way.
i too am publicly stated an "i'm sorry" out to people. i rejected friendships, i verbally "stoned" people, and based my life on fear, rules and regulations. cult is an understatement. it makes me sad that these so called churches are still manipulating and leading people astray, and yet they claim the world is what leads us astray. i sometimes think it would have been better to be born into a completely non religious family. but i thank God for my stepdad because he has shown me the way i will NOt be and i feel sorry for him. isnt it funny? through my parents divorce, and the way our parents were treated by these so called fantastic-Christ centered people, i have learned more about my faith than ever before. i definitely believe in an almighty heavenly father, and it's who our church attempted to teach us about, but personally I don't think He is anything like what they said. sometimes it feels like a completely different God and I have to remind myself they just taught me wrong, but i'm grateful to have found out on my own. but i think i could have been pretty well off without them. ok, this should have been a blog. love you. and if nothing else came out of church, i met you and your amazing family. afreakinmen.
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